milk makes me happy =)

Yang blogs on : 5/17/2008 @ 5:55 AM............................................................................................................
Doing Laundry 5am in th ARGH, no wonder she doesnt like me...

as i sit here in front of this laptop, in my house in subang, i always think about life, like how things goes, how can i keep myself up, wat will i do tomolo and stuff like that. everyday i need to lie to myself to get myself smiling the whole day witout fail, as i always believe that if u smile at ppl, they will smile back, or at least make them happy, even a little will do. i hate the sad feeling aura, so i mustnt show it. but as the day goes by, when uni life ended, i dunno, i cant really smile anymore. so many things unsaid, so many things that i did not do, so many regrets and stupid actions to be corrected. i really wish somehow i can understand myself for being so stupid. things werent so bad, i still have my hands and legs to walk do my work, complete my life, and i have my eyes to see the world how cold it could be, i have my mouth to rant watever i want, but still, im not feeling happy, nor as cheerful as i want to be. life may be unfair for everyone i guess, its just a comparison how many parents u have, or how bad your academic scores u get, and how many letters u have in your surname... sigh, i hate comparison, its just a damn normal or bell curve thing that u need to draw. why cant it be filled with hapinness instead? but if it is that way, there would not be any war and stuff i guess.. give and take is the only way i think is fair. as everyone goes to their own path, i wish some things like badminton on a weekly basis, movie for those kick-ass shows, endless mamak trips, dancing in the hall, enjoying a shot or two while drawing, saying hi to my neigbour, contenging names on my room wall, skipping classes, eating pan mee would last forever. i mean, those small little routine stuff might be lame sometimes, but its kinda like, aih, emo kua.... i dont want to have a stupid outlook anymore, i gotta learn to be more mature in life,m do stuff that will shake the world, get a 9-5 job, a stable gf, some place to really call home, a car that has some air-con, at least some family to guide me....

i reallly dont know where to turn to now considering im just sitting here in front of the laptop refusing to correcct my cv status. ARGH, no wonder she doesnt like me, get a hold of yourself, get a stable job yang, be strong at least for now, at least till i can get all the smile in the world.

for now, i gotta go hang my clothes...

how i wish things were differnt between us...

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